I always been a person that loves adventure, from my younger years I was always exploring, camping and climbing mountains. When I turn 18 I started to travel, first locally, then I venture to more exotic places, all the time I got out without any concrete plans, just took my back pack, put on some jeans, white t-shirts, laptop and some personal items, buy a plane ticket and took off to any destination, once I was there I figure out what to do and where to stay. I fly planes, live on a sailboat for 6 years, parachute and surf as much as I cloud. One day I was bored, and decide to move to Cebu in the Philippines, live there for a year, and then after, I move back to the states, got a job and start all over again. I mention this things to establish that I was fearless, I was never afraid, and did many risky things. One morning of April 2015, on a Thursday, I woke up, and I couldn’t breath, I was choking and there was no one to help me, I was terrified, the only thing on my mind was, I’m gonna die here today, when I was about to pass out, on a desperate measure, I closed my fist and pound on my chest with all my strength, after 2 times doing that, whatever was obstructing my my throat clear up, and I started to breath. I was shaking, so afraid, so, I drink a glass of water then headed to work, I didn’t think much of it, other than it was a close encounter with death. A few days later, I was watching Tv, and all the sudden I felt like I was having a heart attack, I rushed to the hospital, nothing was wrong with me, all the test came out great, but in my head, all I was thinking was that they miss something, 2 days later the same thing happened again, I rush to the hospital, got the same results, everything was ok. Weeks pass by, and I was feeling worst, but I also noticed, I was scared, afraid for no real reason. if I have to drive far, I started to feel like I couldn’t breathe, and an overwhelming feeling of doom took over me. I didn’t know what to do, the doctors told me everything was fine, but there I was having the worst feelings of my life, no one believe me, everybody assume that I was making it up, but the feelings were real, a true fiscal illness, that for some reason no one believe i have, not even the doctors could find it. Two years already since that incident, and until now, I can’t travel far with out feeling afraid, I don’t wanna go out all, all I want to do is stay home, but I force myself to do the things I have to do. I’m living thru an ordeal, it’s worst than a nightmare, I am not the same person I was, from being fearless to be afraid of even driving, all this just because that traumatic event. I tried to take it out of my thoughts, but it always stay lingering inside me, like a red light or a barricade that won’t let me cross, to be the same adventurous guy that I was before. I’ve been suffering according to professionals of chronic anxiety. I was offer medications to ease the bad feelings, but after reading the side effects I choose not to take them. What’s been helping me a lot is doing meditation every night before bed, drinking tea, chamomile, passion fruit and other teas with out stimulant. I feel better, have less anxiety attacks, but my life still trap in fear. I learn to overcome this adversity with my mind, sometimes when I’m to tired from work, I loose control and it take over again. I trained my self, so when I start feeling the symptoms, I just relax my mind and let it pass. Now instead of living for adventure, I live to control this horrible feelings, and force myself to do things that my mind “ fight or fly” feeling won’t let me do. Anxiety change my life. that day that I almost die change me.
Im not a writer or blogger so I apologize if my posts are not great. I started this as a way to curve my feelings.